With Valentine’s Day approaching, many a single person becomes vexed at the thought of being single for this day. Perhaps the milestone day accentuates the fact that you are “alone.” We look around and see on TV, social media, and with people in our lives that they are imbued with love and companionship and it might make us a little melancholic. But let’s put a positive spin on not having a significant other (SO). Let’s talk about the Benefits of Being Single today.
Autonomy
True, you might not have someone in which to snuggle, but hey at least you have freedom. You can do what you want, when you want, how you want and you are not accountable to anyone (except perhaps your dog). You can travel to wherever you like, eat whichever food you like and so forth. There is something to be said about true freedom.
Just ask your married friends. Every decision they make has to take their SO into consideration. They might want to travel to Europe but the SO wants Mexico. They might hanker for Thai food, but must opt for Italian due to SO’s wishes. Action movie is their wish to see on movie night, but they defer to rom-com. Though there could be benefits to having SO, no one can dispute that it does hamper your ability to make the decisions YOU want to make. This is the first of the Benefits of Being Single.
Now people with SOs will tell you that you don’t have to relinquish your autonomy when you are with someone. This is true. If you have good communication skills you can express to your SO your preferences; furthermore, if you have good conciliatory and compromising skills you can learn when to defer to the other and when to fight for your desires. And certainly it is important in relationships to still retain YOUR time and not to have your identify subsumed by the other. Nevertheless having an SO does impede your autonomy.
“Nag-Free” Days
Another classic argument for the Benefits of Being Single today is that you don’t have an SO nagging you. This is so pervasive it has been a caricature of women. Though the nagging might not appear at the beginning of the relationship during the “love bombing” stage, it will likely appear later on. It is almost inherent in all women to nag their men to do such and such chore. For you women, you don’t have to hear the man nag about lack of sex, home-cooking, your taste in TV shows, your predilection toward social media, et al. If you are single, you don’t have to worry about this.
People in relationships might state that nagging doesn’t have to be inherent in the relationship. This is true. If each person has mutual respect and/or knows how to negotiate and be attentive with their SO, perhaps nagging never has to occur. Nevertheless, you can’t whole-handedly escape its claws.
Money, money, money!
A great remunerative, cogent argument for the Benefits of Being Single today is more money in the pocket. This applies especially for your men. Think of all the money you blow on expensive dates, gifts, candies, trips, etc. This money can now be saved to accrue interest or you can re-direct it toward YOUR hobbies. How awesome is that!
For you women, you might not feel the same way since you are normally the beneficiary of the meals and tokens of affection. You might need to pay for your own meals and apparel but look at it this way, you will be saving money in that you don’t need to get him Christmas, Valentine’s, and anniversary gifts.
Do It For Your IQ
The most cerebral of the Benefits of Being Single today. Numerous studies show that when men date their IQ drops a few percentage points. Why is this? I’m not sure but perhaps you are re-directing your cognitive powers toward pleasing the SO or maybe expending more energy on sex. Either way, we need all the acumen we can get so stay single and keep yourself “wickedly smart” as the Bostonians would say.
Free Your Testosterone
The most manly of the Benefits of Being Single today. Studies show that men’s free testosterone drops when they move in with a woman. (Click HERE to see synopsis of study.) Why? Perhaps it is because they are now imbued with the woman’s estrogen or maybe it is because they have now become “domesticated” they don’t need as much. I think it has to do with increased cortisol stress levels being around a nagging woman.
Avoid the “Cray-Cray”
The scariest of the Benefits of Being Single today. Some of you reading this article can attest how anyone you are dating can go from being the sweetest, most considerate person in the world to a freaking nightmare. Either in the form of a narcissist who berates and gaslights you or perhaps a borderline personality stalker who tries to destroy your life when you attempt to break up with them. Check out our HHN episode on narcissism.
Or it could be the hyper-possessive, controlling SO who forbids you from talking to anyone of the opposite sex and demands they check your phone for proof of your accused infidelity. Or it could just be outright abuse, either physical or emotional. Nowadays, you just don’t know. Isn’t it best just to avoid this possible threat altogether by just remaining single? Crazy lurks everywhere…you just never know if it will be the “devil dressed as an angel of light.”
Addictions Now Way!
The most destructive of the Benefits of Being Single today. When you enter a relationship, you don’t know the emotional baggage in which they bring. That’s the aforementioned crazy stuff. But you also don’t know the addictions by which they are beleaguered. At the beginning, your SO might hide it well or you don’t see the red flags earlier on. For example, their persistent drinking on your dates is endearing because it makes him/her less inhibited. But once you are “in love” and love bombed the true colors might come out. This person could have a full-out addiction, either in the form of alcohol, shopping, gambling, sex, or food. Holistic Health News (HHN) podcast has stand-alone episodes on shopping addiction, porn addiction, screen addiction, and more!)
At this point, you might be so in love, you might want to help them. The men have the “White Knight Syndrome;” the girls “Florence Nightingale.” Though you might feel important and empowered at the beginning that you are attempting to help this person, soon it can turn into a very dysfunctional co-dependent relationship. If not remedied soon, you could suffer from the full-fledged effects of this addiction, either in the form of your savings account drained, DWI, drunken rages, rampant infidelity and more. If you are single, you don’t have to worry about any addictions….aside from any you carry.
What About Sex?!
The “Yea, baby, yea!” of the Benefits of Being Single today. Oh, the classic retort as to why we must be in a relationship. If you are in a relationship, you are ensured that you will have sex. Though most studies show that married people and those in relationships have the most sex, it comes at a cost. For men, it can come at the cost of self-respect and loss of autonomy. Of a woman who uses sex as a weapon and as an extortionist tool to nag and coerce the man into doing what she wants him to do.
Also, how many couples do you know don’t have much sex. I remember listening to an NPR episode on sex. It mentioned that the average American in a marriage has sex 100 times a year. That’s about 2x a week. Now we know in the beginning of a relationship people tend to have more sex. But as the relationships continues, the resentment, baggage, and other issues come into play that result in the precipitous dropping of that number. For some couples, it is too the point of no to very little sex in a given year.
So the question must be asked “Should a relationship really be sought after if you must deal with all the aforementioned issues, plus you might not get much sex or it comes with strings attached?” This question is more sensitive to me, I think, since men are willing to do whatever it takes to get access to the “golden vagina.” Even to the point where they cow-tow to every whim of the women. What they don’t know is woman don’t like men who do this, for it is seen as weak and effeminate.
Parting Thoughts
I don’t want you to think I have brought these cogent points on the Benefits of Being Single today because I’m embittered and misogynistic. Not at all, certainly not on the latter. I have reached a certain point in my life where I realized that the “Disney paradigm” of love at first site, “the one true love,” and the need for continual affirmation from an SO is overrated. If you find true love and have an incredible relationship with an SO, I’m happy for you. Savor it. But I will say more often than not, that relationship will end. In fact, all relationships end. They all start out blissful; most end miserably.
So don’t fall for the ABSOLUTE NEED to have a relationship. The points mentioned are pretty salient and will leave you in a much less complicated life.